via lucia

if you were here, i wouldn't know.
i've put up blinders on my eyes.
i'd see right through you
and you wouldn't know what to do.

so if you come, act like a stranger
and sneak into my room.
i'll be surprised, open my eyes
and i won't know what to do.

via lucia - country western love ballad

have i always been this alone?
have i always been this weak?
will i ever grow a backbone?
or decide i'm much too meek?

i can't hold on any longer
and i'd rather let you go,
but how can i be stronger
when i feel i need you so?

well, i don't want to lose you
i don't even want to win.
this is just some sorry love song
that my heart's too sad to sing.

i don't think that you're special
and i don't think that you're right.
i just know i like to hold you
and sleep with you at night.

each night, after you've passed out,
i cry myself to sleep
and each morning, in my waking,
my wound has grown more deep.

i wish you understood me, but, honey
i know you never will.
i know i'm lost without you,
and yet, i've lost my own free will.

so, darling, when you say goodnight
and turn off all the lights,
don't try to make me happy;
just try to hold me tight

and i'll pretend i love you.
i'll forget you're not the one
and in my sorry dreaming,
i'll forget i'm not alone.

so tell me that you love me.
don't worry 'bout bein' true.
in my weakness, i'll forget that
i'm not in love with you.

via deitra - suck

ever get the feeling that you’ve been fucked?
where one minute
you’re in love
the next
you can tell
that the person inside you
does not love you at all
it’s not sex
it’s not making love
it’s being fucked
by someone
who sees you
as nothing more
than a warm place
to put their dick
and a place to sleep
that’s close to work
that when he’s cumming
he’s not thinking of you
when he licks your lips
you’re some girl from a porn
when he pinches and bites you
you’re the first girl he fucked
you’re empty even when he fills you up
because you’re not the girl
he wants you to be
you’re not worth more
than the money he spent
on dinner
to get you here.
you can't cum
you can only think
how you're glad
that you did not say
"i love you"
first.

via deitra- mastication

the sense has left me so complet--
i have not had enough experience
to prepare me for any moment
that has you as the catalyst
to any self destruction
do you influence everone
they way you influence me
do you make them all want to bleed out
just so there's nothing left for you
i died when you spooned me
you made me un-know, un-live anything
you fucked me, now i fuck you
so now
the girls all want to fix me
and the boys all want to kiss me
no one is prepared to deal with the eventuality
that there is nothing left
but they all keep trying
so fuck them too.

via lucia - oh girl

oh girl,
everytime you touch me, you break me just a little more
and i want to love myself,
even the parts of me you've poisoned.

oh girl,
i can't forget that toxic smile of yours,
counterfeit and wooing,
as if asking me to feel foreign feelings.

oh girl,
my heart gets heavy, beating like a drum,
and i want to stop this game,
but you're so good at convincing me you're real.

oh girl,
i think i only loved you to forget i hated me,
so don't dig that knife any deeper,
because it's too late -- i've forgotten how to bleed this blood.

via athena-just breathe

my heart sank so deep its started to drown
the split seconds it's able to gasp for air,
are the times when i'm getting through it
95% of the time,
i'm suffocating
beating rapidly
breathing rapidly
gasping
struggling
my light head
is heavily weighed down
save this heart of mine
i reject the thought of it suffocating the rest of its life

via athena-words

You were wrong for me
You are wrong for me
It wasn't right
I'm slowly starting to see (that)
My ode to athena is this
contrary to what i feel, is the truth
contrary to how you feel, is a pretty lie
obnoxious words flood my mind
none surface as i try to write
it's too heavy of a subject to write it with simple words
i lack the vocabulary needed to express
really,
the dictionary lacks it

via lucia - pretend

i want to always be the one who walks out
because you don't deserve to watch me cry.
i want to always be the one who tells you you're not worth it,
because i'm worth it; i'm fucking worth it.

and i don't ever want to feel this feeling.
i never want to cry these tears.
i wish i'd never have to feel this pain
or know the truth of all those years.

via lucia

now they were back where they started. she thought she'd had the confidence, or maybe the fear, to keep her mouth shut, but she didn't. maybe she never would. she didn't know why he so blatantly lied to her. didn't he know that she knew all his secrets? and didn't he know that talking would be the only way to solve the problem?

she felt so vulnerable and so trapped in this lonely place. sometimes she felt that she'd always feel lonely with him. other times, lying in bed with him, she wondered who he was. how did they ever get this far without really knowing each other? she felt as if he knew her inside and out, and yet she oftentimes hid her inner feelings from him as if maintaining her power that way. in their dream world, they knew everything about each other and they could be open about all of it. in reality, they were fighting to hold onto their secrets and suffering because of it.

she didn't want to keep trying, because he never did. she found herself drawn to him, especially when he was turning away from her. maybe this was her curse and she would forever be running after him like an old dog.