via lucia - falling

thinking about you gives me a fucking headache. sometimes i want to die just so that i can stop thinking. i feel sometimes like this is a sick obsession just like every other thing i thought was love.

i want to fall out of love.

i don't want to be trapped by anything or anyone. i used to love feeling weak for love. i used to think that having the ability to love was a strength. and now i've grown up and realized that all those people for whom i felt sorry were people i should have admired. because they had the strength to ignore love. they had the strength to get over it.

when i have children, will they hurt me the way you do? will i feel forever helpless, like a toy whose batteries no longer run? and will this wound ever turn into a scar that i can remember fondly?

i want to fall out of love. love is a disease, a fucking headache. love is a miscarriage and my womb is breaking.