Via Matilda

Sometimes I'll look at you and think the world has come to a shattering halt.

Newsflash: World stopped dead on its axis.

I want to try you, explore you, take you for a lethal test drive. We might never come back.I'm tired of wandering eyes travelling the distance across the room, or at the bar, or the clubs we frequent. Of fumbling hands tracing patterns on the decorative throws that cover up the tattered sofa patches in our friends' apartments, reaching out for each other and then retracting.

Breathe in, exhale slowly, and realize we could never be together. The password is "almost".

Again and again, I see you coming and going. I always trick myself into thinking the night is long enough for me to change my mind, for you to change it for me.

Take the remote, take the reigns, take me on the goddamn floor.

I buy us time inside my mind, I buy myself a ticket for one to a place where I don't care anymore.I stir in my place, stir in my drink, and can't let go. I search for a corner of the room to stare at, a checkered tablecloth, a chipped tile, anything to occupy my eyes but yours.

I want it so much it makes my muscles contract. I am rendered unable to speak every time you float by, ready for me to catch you but I won't. It's just a thought.

You are the sum of everything I never understood. An idea woven of dreams so thin they are transparent.It's just a thought.

You are the pale webs I see when I'm tripping. You are a ruler smacking my knuckles for being such a cold mess. I make it a goal to become an addict of emotion, but I'm always too smart. You are the one I talk to in LSD dreams, when you're waiting for me to come around.

You're just a thought.

An idea with blue eyes like automatic weapons.

This battlefield is intense, and I'm waiting for someone to take mercy on me and shoot already. The tension grows into a deafening sound, rich with disappointment. Paralysis strikes, and in the silence you can hear atoms splitting.

I want to wrap you up and take you home, but I could never.I want to ignore the symbols of justice, the codes of morality, the advice of my friends, the word of God, the face of she, the thought of tomorrow.

Fuck tomorrow.
Tomorrow has been cancelled, due to lack of promise.

I want to put everything on "mute", maybe even you, and get tangled up in the worst nightmare of my life.Your curse is your blessing, and your blessing is your curse.And I should simply know better.